Killing me softly...

The other day, on a whim, I went for a 40min shoulder & back massage. Now, before this, my idea of a good massage almost always involved various forms of "special services". What can I say, I was young and hormones were poring out of my every pore.

This time it was different. The action takes place in a spacious open hall. The contraption that I was supposed to mount looks like a cross between an incline bench and a kinky sex toy.


Kinky...


"First time here Sir?"

Where I used to go this was the usual opening line coo-ed by a nubile young masseuse, in heavily accented English. This time it's a chap in his 40's, his voice booming in heavily accented English.

"Ya."

"Scared pain? Scared pain I do softly..."

"Ya please, do softly. Thank you, Uncle."

"OK ah, steady. Relac ok?"

He started from my neck, then moved on to my shoulders. Not bad, I could get used to this. I found out later that he was just warming up.

He proceeded to jab his elbow into my back next, throwing in his body weight for good measure. This is supposed to be healthy?! He continues to prod and poke his way from my shoulders down to my lower back. I'm trying to breathe properly with his every stab into my boney self.

"How? Shiok not?"

"Urgh.."

"I very soft liao. Your back not healthy, that's why you feel pain."

"Urghh.."

"Wa you so pain meh? You wriggling all over leh!"

"URGHHH!!!"

It became the longest and most excruciating 40 min of that day. I've never been touched like that by an old man before too. Gosh, people actually sign up for up to 30 sessions for this kind of "therapy"?

Go figure...